2 Aug 2015 11:26 What`s life like for a grown-up with ADHD?


Usually, the first thing to do in the morning, the moment for a normal person to wake up is to take a break, have a moment or two to him/herself before starting the day off. For me, its to turn on the TV, or the radio, or the cell phone, or anything that can make noise, the first thing I do is to listen to noise or sound, my heart long to hear voices, whether they be loud or low voices, I can`t wait to hear voices around me.

Next, before leaving for work or going out, I`d certainly triple check my door keys, and my motorbike`s, too. Without these rituals, it would be impossible for me to leave my house. On my way to any place, I`d constantly look at the people, the buidlings, the food stalls, the fruits by the roadside, the street signs, the cats on the wall, the dogs that run wild, the ringing of a bike`s bell, the roaming of a truck, the color of the grass, the color of the rooftops, I`d take note of all the details around me, constantly, and everytime I pass by them. These are the things that are going through my mind all the time, everytime I`m on the road. Its like my mind never rests. And I enjoy every single moment of discerning the details of all things, I`m really having a great great time trying to analyze all the moments that are being visualized by my eyes.

At work… well…. thats really challenging task for every single day. Basically, its really a terrible time for me to concentrate on anything at all, there`s ultimately nothing which can grab my attention, my concern. Its basically a really terrible for every single hour. Well, how do I cope with these? I always start with listening to repeated music or songs. The music, the melody has to be repeated over and over, for perhaps, I never counted, perhaps a hundred times. The repeated music makes me focus more, and be able to concentrate more easily after that. I have tried many types of music, I found out that relaxing music works for me. The easy-come-easy-go, relaxing melody turn my focus away from all the details which I see while on the road. Gradually, I can summon my focus, move it to other matters.

Another terrible moment for me is knowing that I have to wait for something, or someone. Waiting, in general, is definitely suffocating me, killing me softly, to put it more clearly. But if I really need to wait for someone, or something, my mind would certainly be focused on anything but the thing or the person that I`m waiting for. During the wait, sometimes, or most of the time, I have forgotten what or who I`m waiting for. Because, my mind has been too busy thinking about other things, other details around me.

In addition to my list of terrible things to do is to be in a class, a lecture, except for those that are concern with spirituality. My mind, at certain point is fixed to only one thing, that is, spirituality. Anything other than things about spirituality makes me want to vomit, makes me feel bad, really bad. For me, spirituality encompasses a wide area of subjects such as human ancient civilizations, alien technologies, religious books and scriptures, astrology, the end of our civilizations, and the oneness of our Creator. My mind is like a perfect magnet, like a superglue, that sticks itself to these subjects with immense interests and passions. This was also the reason why I could never sit quietly in a class as an elementary kid. As a kid, from kindergarten on, I had always been punished for not being able to sit quietly, the number of times, the types of punishments for me is certainly a long long list of things which I have not yet come to sense of. Until now, as an adult, I still do not have solution as to how to stay focus in a normal class and lecture. Either I sleep or I sketch or I drift my mind away from the class. Its almost  impossible for me to focus. However, if the class has been talking about spirituality, it would be the opposite, I could listen to it, I could quietly, I could focus on it all day long without even a slight problem!

By the end of my day, it just comes down to having dinner, either by myself or with others. At the table, everything is fine for me, except for people who constantly look down at their cell phone. I`d be very disgusted, feeling disrespected by this. I can`t stand at my friends who come to dine with me, and constantly stare at their cell phone every once and then. The moment of dining for me is a relaxing one, eating makes my mind relax, eases my muscles and my focus. This is the reason why I like to eat so much. Beverages, on the other hand, are like heaven to my mind. I know for many people, coffee wakes them up. For me, coffee runs through my veins like waterflows. Coffee, or tea do not wake me up, because I`m always up and awake inside me. But, I try to have more plain water, otherwise, I`d be drowned in the sea of caffeines.

When its time to go to bed, which is the final struggle for me, I`d have to watch TV, listen to music, or watch my fish, or watch anything, to make my mind busy until it gets tired and then I`d go to bed. For me, watching TV is not as an entertainment, especially the news, the news makes me think, thinking can tire out my mind, sooner or later, I will be tired a little bit. With that little bit of tiredness, only then I could sleep soundly.

As you can see, this is how my life goes. Everyday is a new beginning, every morning, I feel like changing the world, feel like going out to find treasure, to hunt for dinosaur fossils buried under the dirt, every morning, its fresh and bright  ;D

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