Long time ago, I used to ask this very disturbing, somewhat heartbreaking question to myself: who am I and why am I here? From my past situations and childhood experience, I knew I grew up being precocious, a bit more or less deviant from my peers, or always on the other side of the road from my teachers` and friends` perspective. In my early teens, I became suddenly interested in the Bible, and then the matter of time, death and God became my constant preoccupations. I even wrote some of these stuffs to others, for example, my teacher during my lower secondary years. But, it wasn`t what I thought, noone was interested in what I said. Perhaps, I said it in a way too serious or too awkward, either way was possible, I wasn`t sure. Then, before hitting adolescence, I became to have visions, or I should say insights of many unseen things. Such as the energy in this universe and beyond. I was really amazed and thought about how a human brain could radiate out energy that we couldn`t see, but the energy presence could affect our influence on other people who came close to us. I began to draw pictures of these unseen energy. Those pictures, those thoughts came straight from my own head, since back then, my family did not own computer, and we never even seen one computer, did not have any contemporary scientific magazine subscriptions whatsoever, plus our TV at home only had only one channel and nothing else. All I know is that life was quite lonely, but I had all these amazing thoughts that kept me wondering about many many things, things beyond my imagination.
Now, as I recall some of the things that happened in my life, I now understand that that period of my life, that period when I became interested in so many self-taught subjects and knowledge, that was the time when I began to awake from my deep deep deep slumber. Now as a young adult, I can clearly see what happened to me back then. Only now can I comprehend that this kind of awakening is not like waking up from a deep sleep and then going back to sleep again. This is something that I never expected to occur to myself, never. Because, once I`ve been through it, I feel that my mind is no longer stucked to the materialistic world that we`re living in. However, my constant concern conduces to self-improvement, self-correcting, repenting on my own mistakes and becoming a free soul. That`s what I`m experiencing right now, its such a great experience!
Now, I want to talk about how it feels like to be part of this wonderful journey in my life. In the beginning, I felt strange and found it hard to grasp almost everything in my life. I had had many problems in socializing with many of my peers in my early teens because these thoughts that kept coming to my head just kept loading up and loading up, non-stop. These thoughts were mostly about the misery of mankind, the difference between “normal” people and those accused “out-of-norm” people, such as those accused criminals. I had all these questions in my mind and I didn`t even know how they came to me since I was never in a country of wars or anything, questions like: perhaps the accused ones were not really the culprits after all, we could look at it from another perspective, why noone did so? I frequently felt a spasm of intensely strong feeling when people just threw out some careless piece of argument about human acts, esp during class. Such as about how cruel the terrorists are and how they destroyed the land of Freedom, the US in 911 when I was still in secondary school. I literally fired back at some of my peers and my teacher by asking seemingly stupid question: how do we know the people killed in the buildings were innocent? On the other hand, how do we actually know the ones accused of killing others were really the killers? I asked such stupid and in my case considered irrelevant questions in the class. Ya, I did. Being so, usually my questions were not welcomed by answers, well, just sit down, leaned back and shut my mouth up. That was the kind of “odd” student I was.
As I grew older, I began to understand more about the purpose of being in this life, right here, right now. That is to say I`ve become feeling more and more convincing and confident in what I used to and still believe in — the world we live in is nothing but an illusion. Only as a young adult, I started to have chance of watching the world via massive global networks, esp the internet. I`ve recently watched many videos about the huge global Awakening of human soul, about ancient civilizations and their rich knowledge about the soul, about the 12 dimensions, parallel universes, multidimensional existence of the soul, even conspiracy of the NWO…. and so forth. As I watch these stuffs in front of my PC, I feel that many occurrences of my life in the past can be linked together to form a picture. That is to say there have been many dots, many clues given to me in my past experience, only now that I could link these dots together. I feel that it is profoundly sane and pure right! Whenever I feel a bit stressed from my study/work, I always feel that there is another kind of presence surrounding me, it is like a presence of strong positive energy, and this energy gives me courage to defy all negativeness, it makes me feel like I`m closer to God, the creator of this universe. I feel that change really doesn`t come from one fine politician standing on the podium or any hypocrites that still roam and rule our world today. I feel that the real change, I mean the change to becoming a better soul, for the better of people around us, for better perspective of humanity, really comes from inside ourselves. This is one recent find in my own experience. I think that all those protests against our/any government, those voices, really are never being heard by anyone. Like what David Icke said, a problem-reaction solution, is what they all are. Only more and more chaos would be created out of supposedly free speech, free media, free trade, free land-kind -of- society. We`ll never get out of this prison, never, unless we understand our true selves, until we understand who we really are. It is simple: we are souls, we are infinite souls, there`s no such thing as death, paradoxes, home-coming Gods, no such thing as peaceful and righteous religions, just no such things at all. Only those who try and think they are perfect, instead of trying to be honest. These people really have no shame at all in thinking that people are only physicality that should be placed under shame of own faults, under great fear of God and religious leaders, under control of certain set of crazy “values” such as the Holy Bible. I`m sure the Bible is right about many things in life, however, I think all the Bible wants to say is that, we must have love towards one another. Nonetheless, the true values in these ancient scripts have been twisted by religious leaders to make them sound horribly wrong to face God if one were guilty of something and that there is an end called apocalypse to this life. The leaders never teach about repent and the greatness of having a soul and having love and not letting love withheld.
All I can say for now is that, if ever there were an end to our life, our world, that end should not be waited at all. Nothing`s worthy of waiting if there were an end to all these happenings, nothing! I feel that death is only a milestone for our soul`s experience, I have come back to this life only to let my soul evolves, nothing more nothing less. That is how I feel about my own awakening. It`s still such a difficult topic to be discussed with my peers, though. I really hope that mankind could all realize something is wrong with our present troubled society and start to take most responsibilities for themselves, not always blaming others such as the government. The government themselves are a big problem. Very big…