Let me get this right here, learning a language in a desperate way is like drowning yourself in a lake of poisonous snakes. So desperate that you don`t even know how to yell out for help. But, the situation now is that I`m trying to calm this situation down so that the kids won`t feel the way that the parents both are feeling. And in fact, it is the kids who are learning the language, not the parents. What I`m trying to pass on to the two kids whom I`m teaching is that better to know the language than to simply recite or copy the texts in mind without knowing anything about the language.
I think, if I put it in my own understanding, the parents are thinking on behalf of their own, not on concerns with the kids ` interest. I feel that everytime when I`ve just gotten to the point of inducing further interest and knowledge about the English language, that would be suddenly turned and twisted by immense anxiety of both the parents of the kids. So that everytime when this happens, I try to hold on to the truth, to the reality that I have to pass on something beyond the mere texts to the kids. I`m sort of holding back with my frequent digressions from the school textbooks and at the same time taking much effort to teach them the skills in taking questions in the exams. It`s very much like a waitress who`s trying to get order of a customer correctly with deliberate effort because the customer is always making changes from one minute to the next.
However stupid it might seem, I`m certainly staying true to myself, no swaying of my basic peception of what it`s like to feel fully attached to the only language I`ve ever known better than my own mother tongue. It`s simply too difficult to get things all upright right now, what`s more left to be done is the expectation of what I could do to improve their English knowledge, rather than to live up to the parents ` expectations. Because expectations do not regard the outcome, which is my greatest concern in doing this job since the beginning.